If you sometimes find yourself in situations where you feel less than fully empowered, you are not alone. Most people experience this at one time or another. It is as if we can't step out of a role we are playing. If you are ready to create a happier ending to your story, there are three simple steps you can take.
Identify your personal myth
One way to rewrite an aspect of your life story is to compare it to a myth or fairy tale. Begin by asking yourself this question: Of all the myths and fairy tales I have heard or read, which one seems to parallel my situation?
Another way to explore your situation is to examine archetypes.
Think of an area of your life where you are experiencing unhappiness or dissatisfaction. What would you like to shift? Who are the key players, and what is the plot of your story? For example, if the promotion you were hoping for went to your co-worker, Joe, does that leave you feeling like a victim? If so, who is the villain-Joe, or whoever made the final decision? Sometimes these roles are very flamboyant and easy to depict. However, your story may seem more cryptic or unique.
Uncover your patterns
Looking back over the significant events of your life is another way to uncover the components of your story. One of my clients was experiencing distress related to her family dynamics. Her blended family included half-siblings and step mothers, and there were times when she related strongly to the Cinderella story. She noticed there seemed to be a pattern of her not having access to her father, even on his deathbed. This left her feeling angry and victimized.
As you consider the highlights and low points of your life, what themes emerge? What patterns do you notice?
The only way my client found she could "break the spell" of her pattern was to step out of the victim role she had been playing. I invited her to imagine she could see the situation both from a worm's eye view, and from a bird's eye view. I asked her to consider how things might appear if she could observe the situation from different vantage points.
This tactic helped her to understand what might have motivated her half-sister and step mother to limit her access to her father. It occurred to her that controlling who had access to her father might have given these family members a sense of power. She realized they might also have been experiencing deep emotional wounds which they filled by "hoarding" her father's time.
Try examining your life story from different perspectives and notice what insights emerge.
Re-claim your power
With encouragement, my client came to understand that she was not blameless in this situation. She discovered she had "given away" some of her power by allowing her half sister and step mother to dictate when she could see her father. She felt less anger towards them when she acknowledged this, and it helped her to step into feeling more empowered.
She also realized she had no control over her family's behavior. She knew that she did, however, have control of her response to the situation. She began to feel more compassion towards those family members when she used a bird's eye view to explore possible motives behind their behavior.
If you are ready to create an ending to your life story that includes more empowerment, examine which aspects of your situation you can control and which you cannot. Determine if there are instances where you have given away your power. Explore how you might have contributed to the story line through your behaviors, actions, or beliefs.
Even though you don't have a magic wand, you can create a happier ending to your story.
Copyright, 2010 - Tamara Herl. All rights reserved.
Tamara Herl is a life coach who helps independent business owners set and achieve visionary goals. She also helps women create happy endings by taking charge of their life story. What sets Tamara apart from other coaches is her ability to weave expressive practices such as mindfulness, visual art, movement, and music into coaching sessions. The experiential learning processes she facilitates help clients unearth deep Inner Wisdom that helps them move forward on their life path. Tamara facilitates one to one coaching, group coaching, and coaching retreats, both live and via phone.
Identify your personal myth
One way to rewrite an aspect of your life story is to compare it to a myth or fairy tale. Begin by asking yourself this question: Of all the myths and fairy tales I have heard or read, which one seems to parallel my situation?
Another way to explore your situation is to examine archetypes.
Think of an area of your life where you are experiencing unhappiness or dissatisfaction. What would you like to shift? Who are the key players, and what is the plot of your story? For example, if the promotion you were hoping for went to your co-worker, Joe, does that leave you feeling like a victim? If so, who is the villain-Joe, or whoever made the final decision? Sometimes these roles are very flamboyant and easy to depict. However, your story may seem more cryptic or unique.
Uncover your patterns
Looking back over the significant events of your life is another way to uncover the components of your story. One of my clients was experiencing distress related to her family dynamics. Her blended family included half-siblings and step mothers, and there were times when she related strongly to the Cinderella story. She noticed there seemed to be a pattern of her not having access to her father, even on his deathbed. This left her feeling angry and victimized.
As you consider the highlights and low points of your life, what themes emerge? What patterns do you notice?
The only way my client found she could "break the spell" of her pattern was to step out of the victim role she had been playing. I invited her to imagine she could see the situation both from a worm's eye view, and from a bird's eye view. I asked her to consider how things might appear if she could observe the situation from different vantage points.
This tactic helped her to understand what might have motivated her half-sister and step mother to limit her access to her father. It occurred to her that controlling who had access to her father might have given these family members a sense of power. She realized they might also have been experiencing deep emotional wounds which they filled by "hoarding" her father's time.
Try examining your life story from different perspectives and notice what insights emerge.
Re-claim your power
With encouragement, my client came to understand that she was not blameless in this situation. She discovered she had "given away" some of her power by allowing her half sister and step mother to dictate when she could see her father. She felt less anger towards them when she acknowledged this, and it helped her to step into feeling more empowered.
She also realized she had no control over her family's behavior. She knew that she did, however, have control of her response to the situation. She began to feel more compassion towards those family members when she used a bird's eye view to explore possible motives behind their behavior.
If you are ready to create an ending to your life story that includes more empowerment, examine which aspects of your situation you can control and which you cannot. Determine if there are instances where you have given away your power. Explore how you might have contributed to the story line through your behaviors, actions, or beliefs.
Even though you don't have a magic wand, you can create a happier ending to your story.
Copyright, 2010 - Tamara Herl. All rights reserved.
